Disclaimer: If you have a Y chromosome, you should probably leave right now and go hang out in your man cave for awhile.
Being poor sucks. Being poor and having your period sucks even more.
I think I can safely speak for everyone with ovaries when I say: menstruation is huge pain in the ass (and many other body parts).
But I’m not just talking about the obvious inconveniences of mother nature’s monthly blood bath. Sure, the cramps, uncontrollable tears and ruined underwear are annoying, but you know what else is annoying? TAMPON PRICES.
I’ve paid up to $12 for a box of “feminine hygiene products” which is completely ridiculous, considering the fact that a bag of cotton balls and a roll of string costs $3 at Dollarama (week-end D.I.Y. project?).
This is a major issue for me, because:
- I don’t have $12.00
- I’m starting to experience intense abdominal pains, and inexplicable bitchiness (you know what that means).
As somebody who is very opposed to paying for things, and has little to no sense of shame, I took matters into my own hands.
It’s creative complaining time!
Dear sir or madame,
After hearing such great things about your tampons, I took a leap of faith away from my previous favourite brand: O.B. tampons to try out your product. Needless to say, I was very regretful. This decision resulted in one of the most embarrassing situations of my life!
I left the house for a family dinner last Sunday expecting my period, so I tossed a tampon in my purse to be safe. In the middle of the first course I started feeling a bit moist if you know what I mean, and promptly fled to the bathroom. I was grateful that I’d remembered to pack a tampon, until I opened up the package and realized that there was an applicator but no cotton! I had to use toilet paper instead, but by the end of dinner, my khakis were completely soaked with menstrual blood and my whole family saw.
It was humiliating!
I’m not sure if there is anything you can do to repair this situation, but I just thought that you should know.
A new but disappointed customer.
Please note: I don’t even own khakis.
Two weeks later, and voila! Free coupon for a full-sized box of tampons, and more importantly $10.00 worth of savings that I can now spend on Midol, dark chocolate, and mass quantities of ice cream.
Now leave me alone, I have to go yell at people for no reason and eat six pints of Haagen Dazs.