“When I go to hell, I mean to carry a bribe: for look you, good gifts evermore make way for the worst persons”
-John Webster (1580-1634)

A lot of people (with the exception of John Webster) say money can’t buy happiness.

I wouldn’t know because I never any, HOWEVER, word on the street is that money CAN buy you grades.…not that this means much if you’re as broke as I am.

So what’s a sad unemployed soul like me supposed to do if I have a final presentation tomorrow that I haven’t prepared for, and my bank account is almost empty?

Five bucks definitely ain’t gonna buy an A+.

…but crack might.

Allow me to introduce you to the solution to all of your future problems:

Cap’n Crack Bars (For less than $5.00!)

Inspired by Domestic Rebel’s Recipe

Ingredients:

  • 6 cups of Cap’n Crunch Cereal ($1.50 at Dollarama)
  • 1 bag of marshmallows ($1.00 at Dollarama)
  • 1/2 cup of peanut butter ($2.00 at Dollarama)

Optional:

  • 3  T of margarine or butter— (I’d only use this if you can steal it from your roommate like I diddon’t judge me, she’s eaten almost all of my miracle whip, and half a loaf of my bread)
  • 6 Reese’s Cups ($1.00 at Dollarama) Not necessary,but these add a nice kick that might make the difference between a C, and a B-.

Directions:

           Melt marshmallows, peanut butter, and margarine on oven top. Once blended, add Cap’n Crunch and stir until coated. Press into a 9 x 12 pan with a greased spatula. Freeze, divide into squares, and feed to your professor!

           Word of Caution: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MAKE THESE WHILE SUFFERING FROM P.M.S. There’s a 90% chance that you’ll eat the first batch three batches, and your $5.00 recipe is suddenly going to cost $15.00.

I don’t use the word “crack” lightly, but these are almost worth eating somebody’s face off for…I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it has something to do with the 85% fat and sugar content. At the very least, these should earn you a participation mark or two.

Bribe away young broke asses, bribe away!

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