Unemployed student, lover of food, drinks, and cats, committed to "livin' la vida loca"…on a budget.

Tag Archives: university life

“When I go to hell, I mean to carry a bribe: for look you, good gifts evermore make way for the worst persons”
-John Webster (1580-1634)

A lot of people (with the exception of John Webster) say money can’t buy happiness.

I wouldn’t know because I never any, HOWEVER, word on the street is that money CAN buy you grades.…not that this means much if you’re as broke as I am.

So what’s a sad unemployed soul like me supposed to do if I have a final presentation tomorrow that I haven’t prepared for, and my bank account is almost empty?

Five bucks definitely ain’t gonna buy an A+.

…but crack might.

Allow me to introduce you to the solution to all of your future problems:

Cap’n Crack Bars (For less than $5.00!)

Inspired by Domestic Rebel’s Recipe

Ingredients:

  • 6 cups of Cap’n Crunch Cereal ($1.50 at Dollarama)
  • 1 bag of marshmallows ($1.00 at Dollarama)
  • 1/2 cup of peanut butter ($2.00 at Dollarama)

Optional:

  • 3  T of margarine or butter— (I’d only use this if you can steal it from your roommate like I diddon’t judge me, she’s eaten almost all of my miracle whip, and half a loaf of my bread)
  • 6 Reese’s Cups ($1.00 at Dollarama) Not necessary,but these add a nice kick that might make the difference between a C, and a B-.

Directions:

           Melt marshmallows, peanut butter, and margarine on oven top. Once blended, add Cap’n Crunch and stir until coated. Press into a 9 x 12 pan with a greased spatula. Freeze, divide into squares, and feed to your professor!

           Word of Caution: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MAKE THESE WHILE SUFFERING FROM P.M.S. There’s a 90% chance that you’ll eat the first batch three batches, and your $5.00 recipe is suddenly going to cost $15.00.

I don’t use the word “crack” lightly, but these are almost worth eating somebody’s face off for…I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it has something to do with the 85% fat and sugar content. At the very least, these should earn you a participation mark or two.

Bribe away young broke asses, bribe away!


I got mail today! And not just any mail… every broke student’s dream mail.

FOOD VOUCHERS!

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Your eyes are not deceiving you– that says: one free tin of Fancy Feast Gourmet cat food, and a free $10.00 bag of Kitty Chow!  I get to pick the flavour too!

I was a bit worried about starving to death within the next few days, but now I get to live off of premium tuna and salty fish flavoured cheerios for the next week. There’s a party my place, and I’ll bring the kibbles if you bring the bits!

Or maybe not. If we’re going to get technical about it, then I have to confess: the envelope was actually addressed to my roommate Babylegs, and it turns out she is a bit possessive of her mail. (side note: if it’s sad that the most exciting part of my day was opening my cat’s mail, don’t feel obligated to tell me.)

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It looks like my Friskies Fiesta is going to have to be postponed.

But all cat jokes aside– (and trust me, I have a lot of them), free cat food is still free of cat food! Especially when your cat refuses to pay rent.

Translation: GETTING FREE STUFF ROCKS! And it’s actually a lot easier to do than you’d think.

In case you’re wondering how I managed to uncover this wealth of kitty-related freebies, there was an ad on the back of some random “Pet Life” magazine which I stole from the doctor’s office for a free care package for my “newborn kitten”. All I had to do was fill out a little questionnaire and pretend that my cat is about eight years younger than she is (I now understand why my mother made me bend my knees and act like a twelve year-old so I could order off the kids’ menu until Grade 10).

This leads me to a new blog segment I’d like to introduce: The Best Things in Life are Free: A Comprehensive Guide on How to Get Free Shit!

Tip #1: COUPON HUNTING

Coupons are everywhere if you look in the right places!

Here are a few examples of “right places”:

  • Magazines and newspapers …and you don’t have to buy them. Steal ’em from your doctor’s office, pick them out of your neighbour’s recycling bin.
  • Junk mail I used to throw out flyers and promotions, but junk mail can be a gold mine for freebies and heavily discounted greasy food. Free fries with the purchase of any large soft drink? Don’t mind if I do! Free cheesy bread with the purchase of any two topping pizza? Count me in!
  • Online If you’re not googling “free stuff” or “coupons” at least once a day, you’re probably missing out on dollars upon dollars of swag every week! One of my favourite sites is: http://www.canadianfreestuff.com/ Current offers include: half priced bagel sandwiches at McD’s, and $3 off of polysporin. Now you can raise your cholesterol and tend to your cuts and burns at the same time…ON A BUDGET!
  • Receipts Read the back of your receipts. At least 50% of the time, there’s some website you can visit or a survey you can fill out to receive free stuff on your next visit.

There’s no shame in free swag, so put on your coupon hunting hats, and go and get it tigers!

Coming soon: How to Get Free Shit: Part 2 a.k.a “The Complain Game”